Why Does It Hurt So Much?

I knew there was something different in Vickie’s voice when I called to tell her that I was on my way home from work. It was the day after I had taken the photos in the previous post; the day after the joy of seeing the doe and her fawn; the day after watching the little fawn walk around our backyard; the day after worrying whether the mother would lose track of her baby.

Vickie was in the sunroom as she told me the story. That morning the mother deer had been in the yard and the adjacent woods making noises; searching, searching, searching for her fawn, her baby. As Vickie watched her heart broke, as did mine as I listened and envisioned the doe; as I envisioned my wife watching the doe.

I looked at the tree line expecting to see mother and baby appear. I changed clothes and walked into the woods looking. I followed the creek looking. I saw deer prints on the edge of the creek but no deer. I retraced my steps...no deer.

The next day the mother was back; searching, searching. The next day I looked at the tree line expecting to see the fawn - no fawn. Why does it hurt so much?

I seldom ask God, “Why?” I know some folks who ask God, “Why?” a lot, and that’s fine - I just seldom do it. Right now I’m asking God, “Why did you allow us, or give us, the gift of seeing this newborn fawn, the joy of watching it with its mother - and then take it away?”

This week was already a week of sadness because it contains the birthdays of those no longer with us, and anniversaries of deaths of dear ones in our families - it was already an emotionally-complicated week. “Why God did you give us the fawn only to take the fawn?”

I am still looking for the fawn to appear, as is Vickie - but we know it is gone. But why?

We have dear friends who had to put their puppy to sleep this week. He was a senior dog, their first dog after many years of marriage - and they also have pain; they also have tears. When I think back to our dogs Chris Ann, Mitzi, and Darby the pain comes back to me - the journey for each of our puppies was different and I can relive each day that brought the end for them. Why does it hurt so much?

Our friends cry for their puppy Alex. We know those tears.