Pondering Proverbs - Discipline (9)

  

“He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24.

 

Proverbs Chapter 13 begins with discipline in the father – son relationship and its penultimate verse returns to the image. Whereas 13:1 focuses on the son, 13:24 draws our attention to the father.

 

Let’s begin with an observation about the “rod” in this verse, while I am not going to explore corporeal punishment, I want to point out that the image of the “rod” is an image of discipline and instruction – that is, a rod is more than a physical rod, a rod is an image of discipline and instruction. Godly paternal discipline and instruction is given in the context of relationship and love and care, its purpose is the betterment and growth and well-being and protection of the child or young person; it is directed toward the whole daughter or son – spirit, soul, heart, mind, and body.

 

Paul writes in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Then in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

 

This doesn’t mean that children or young people will never get angry and that if they get angry the parent has somehow failed to employ godly discipline, but there is a kind of discipline that is more a test of wills and sheer power than it is of teaching and love, a kind of discipline that is more retributive than anything else, and my sense is that this kind of behavior is more destructive and alienating than anything else – this is what drives children and young people to the kind of anger and exasperation that Paul is, possibly, referring to. The nature of this “discipline” can break the child or young person, rather than mold character and foster growth and relationship.

 

Perhaps you have seen this behavior in families, or in schools or places of work. Perhaps you have either been the recipient of this type of behavior or, sadly, perhaps you have been the source of the behavior. The Good News is that we can ask our dear heavenly Father to teach us all and to redeem both our pain and our foolishness and stupidity. I have been a dumb ass with respect to these things more than once, and if there is hope for me then there is great hope for you.

 

Proverbs 13:24 gives us two images, the father who hates his son and the father who loves his son – the distinguishing and identifiable feature in each image is discipline, either its lack or its presence.

 

Godly discipline requires thought, time, prayer, self-examination, and a willingness to maintain Biblical standards and teaching in the face of a hostile world that is intent on capturing the souls of our children and young people…and which is by and large succeeding. If we are to instruct and discipline others, our own souls must be subject to the discipline of our heavenly Father, the Scriptures, and the Body of Christ – for we are members of one another.

 

In the workplace, I lived in a deep awareness that if I was going to instruct and teach and discipline my employees that I really needed to live under the authority and discipline of Jesus Christ – otherwise my behavior and thinking would be capricious and arbitrary and I would be more interested in taking the easy way out rather than investing myself in the welfare of others.

 

We cannot control how others respond to instruction and discipline, but by God’s grace we can submit ourselves to the authority and love and care of Jesus Christ as we discipline and teach others – to teach we must be taught, to correct we must be corrected, to discipline we must live lives under discipline, to exercise authority we must live under authority.

 

The physical rod, or its punitive equivalent, can be a substitute for parental engagement and instruction; the same can be said for a passive attitude toward parenting – in both cases the parent need not invest himself or herself in raising the child or young person.

 

I knew a parent who had her son cut their backyard grass with a pair of scissors to punish him – thankfully they lived in a townhouse. When she shared this with me she shared it with immense pride, as if she had shown him who was boss. Now I ask you, what do you think this foolishness accomplished?

 

On the other end of the spectrum, I recall a member of a small group talking about some soul – destroying behavior that his teenage daughter was involved in. When someone asked him if he has spoken to her about it he said, “I couldn’t do that, she wouldn’t like me.” Is not this another form of foolishness? (This man was a leader in the community, a business owner, a leader in his congregation – yet he couldn’t lead his family.)

 

If we view both of the above behaviors through Proverbs 13:24 what do we see? Forcing your son to cut the grass with scissors is no more godly discipline that doing nothing about your daughter’s soul – destroying behavior; neither is an example of loving your child.

 

This may be a good time to refresh ourselves with Hebrews 12:4 – 11, our heavenly Father disciplines us because He loves us, and children who are without discipline are treated as if they are illegitimate (I suppose this means that we treat most of our children in the U.S.A. as if they are indeed illegitimate, for we certainly don’t hold them accountable for their actions).

 

We are also reminded in Hebrews 12:11 that, “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful…” This is not just true for the child; it is also true for the parent. How often do parents not teach and correct their children because they just don’t want the hassle or the discomfort?

 

How often do employers or supervisors or teachers not correct and teach those they are supposed to serve because they don’t want the discomfort, tension, or hassle?

 

I have had many corrective and teaching conversations with employees over the years, and I don’t think that I have been comfortable in any of them, but I have known that if I really cared about the people on my team that I needed to have the conversations. Sometimes the conversations went well, sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they didn’t go well in the moment, but later they yielded amazing fruit; sometimes they resulted in an employee leaving the firm.

 

As a pastor I didn’t do as well, I know I avoided many discussions I should have had, and for sure some of my conversations were not as thoughtful as they should have been – well, as I wrote above, we can ask our Father to redeem our foolishness and look for His mercy.

 

How can we even begin to ponder these things without looking to our Lord Jesus for help and mercy and grace?

 

What do you see in Proverbs 13:24?

 

What can we learn about discipline from Proverbs 13:1, 10, 18, and 24? What is the story that we see here?