The Chickens Update

I received an email  from Roscoe the Rooster, one of the two roosters who were returned to Hertzlers because they couldn’t lay eggs.

Dear Uncle Bob,

I have been sent to a special camp run by a Professor Harold Hill to learn how to lay eggs. He is utilizing something called, “The Think Method.” The method is that you “think about something and then it happens.” The gossip around the hen house is that he used to be a musical instrument salesman and that he snookered folks into purchasing instruments for boys’ bands – which he promised to teach and lead. Apparently when the market for boys’ bands dried up he tried his hand at other things.

It is said that he worked on Wall Street for quite a while and instituted something called credit default swaps. He also served as a consultant for some big companies, people like Enron, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, and I think most recently Goldman Sachs. I don’t know if these folks are in agriculture or raising cows or what, I did hear something about him working in a bear market.

Anyway, seems like he had to leave the big city for a while so he’s opened up an education center out in Powhatan County for local farmers who have livestock and chickens and whatnot. When you first get here you’ve got to watch a movie called Doctor Doolittle five straight times and then you’re supposed to be able to talk to Professor Hill and other animals. Oh yes, he’s also been talking to our owners about them putting together an animal band – he says he can get a good deal on musical instruments.

Professor Hill says a band of animals will be a first – but I think he’s mistaken. I got on the internet last night and I see that someone named Eric Burton had an animal band. I have an idea that his group may have been in the same kind of mess I’m in because one of their big hits was, We’ve Got To Get Out Of This Place.

Uncle Bob, I sit here hours everyday trying Harold Hill’s Think Method and I haven’t laid one lousy egg – not one.

Oh yeah, Uncle Bob, seeing you are a preacher and all, this may interest you, Professor Hill started some big movement with church folks, I think it’s called Name It and Claim It. They say that was one of his best ideas – it’s just really the Think Method.

Well, I gotta go and get back to thinking about laying an egg. Say “Hi” to the folks on the homestead – and tell ‘em all that Roscoe says, “No hard feel’ns ‘bout send’n me back – it actually took a lot of pressure off me – now if I could just figure out a way to get outta this place.