Lead Back Thy Old Soul

If you could live life over again would you do anything differently? When I used to interview prospective managers I’d ask, “Tell me about two or three things that you would do differently if you could do them over again.” I asked the question because I wanted to know if the candidates were self-critical, whether they evaluated themselves. Over the years I received some very thoughtful answers, answers which demonstrated reflection and the capacity for self-critique. However, on a few occasions there were candidates who would not change anything in their lives, in their past, in their decisions and attitudes and actions. Perhaps some of these candidates were too insecure to admit mistakes, but I think some honestly could not find anything they could have done better - all of their decisions and actions had been, apparently, perfect.

I think there are times as we reflect on life, whether the past or the present, that all we can say is, “Here I am Lord, help me.” I find comfort in what the father of the demon-possessed boy said to Jesus in Matthew 17, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” Life can be a mixed mess, at least my life can be a mixed mess. As I have come to accept (not approve!) my own mixed mess life, the fact that at one and the same time I can have both faith and unbelief, I have become more understanding of others - I am able to give others much more room than in the past. I echo the final verse of Psalm 119, “I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek Your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.” We see the contrast between our own lives and the Word of God; if the psalmist hadn't known God's commandments he would not have known he had gone astray. The thing is, when we are astray only our Good Shepherd can bring us back, only His Spirit and Word can draw us - the fact is we are pretty much incapable of taking care of ourselves, we just can’t “get it right”.

I am comforted to know that God can redeem our past as well as our present, that the Cross deals with every thought I’ve ever had, every word I’ve ever spoken, every deed I’ve ever performed - no matter how dark and selfish and evil. But I don’t want to dwell on the past, I want to live today, to worship God today, to be a blessing to others today. So today I ask God to teach me to love Him with all of my heart, and soul, and mind, and strength and to love my neighbor as myself. In my little sphere of life I ask God to make me a blessing, in Christ, to others.

The following are George MacDonald’s thoughts on some of the above, maybe there is something here you can relate to:

LORD, what I once had done with youthful might,

Had I been from the first true to the truth,

Grant me, now old, to do -

With better sight,

And humbler heart, if

Not the brain of youth;

So wilt thou, in thy

Gentleness and ruth,

Lead back thy old soul, by

The path of pain,

Round to his best -

Young eyes and heart and brain.

[ruth - a middle English word meaning a feeling of pity or sympathy in this context].

George MacDonald, A Book of Strife, in the Form of the Diary of an Old Soul, meditation for January 1.