Indelicacies

 

Indelicacies

 

A friend has inquired about Lady Jane, and this has put me in an awkward position. I can hardly disclose the truth about Lady Jane without venturing into indelicacies. What to do?

 

I realize that indelicacies are a thing of the past for most people, but I have a sensitivity rooted in both classical Christianity and in my great-great Aunt Martha and I take no pleasure in parading the indelicate before the world…or the church. After all, the Law of Moses teaches us that we are to take certain things and conditions outside the camp.

 

Aunt Martha spoke to me of things such as enunciation and deportment, of dropping my chin when I speak; she also taught me to play two-hand solitaire, leading me down a path of dissipation (just kidding about the latter). When Aunt Martha taught school, they not only taught cursive, they really did teach deportment and enunciation, speaking properly was important – now we grunt and can’t put a sentence together, let alone a sustained thought. We make a joke at everything, and what we don’t laugh at we scoff at and ridicule – maybe the joke is on us?

 

I realize that some Bible passages are rather indelicate, Ezekiel has pretty raw passages, such as Chapter 23; when I preached on that I gave the adults a heads-up a week prior in case they wanted to have their kids in children’s church…just saying.

 

One Sunday morning I noticed that the lead vocalist on our praise team had a problem with his attire of which he was obviously unaware (I was sitting with the congregation in a pew). What to do? I hastily scribbled a note, gave it to one of the boys, and asked him to take it to Mr. “Rufus.” Upon reading the note, brother Rufus retreated behind the drummer and when he reappeared his face was rather red. Indelicacies can be a challenge.

 

King David was most certainly sensitive to indelicacies and had compassion on those who suffered them. I am sure you recall the incident in 2 Samuel Chapter 10 when the foolish king of Ammon, Hanun, took David’s messengers and “shaved off half of their beards and cut off their garments in the middle as far as their buttocks.” The Scripture tells us that the men “were greatly ashamed”. David told them, “Stay at Jericho until your beards grow, and then come home.” Hanun would regret this indelicacy.

 

Sometimes we need to hear the indelicate. One morning before church I was chatting with the grandson of a parishioner when the little guy looked at me and said, “You have bad breath.” While the grandmother was apologetic, I was thankful, grabbing the breath mints and thanking the little guy!

 

At other times the indelicate can help with communication, such as when during a children’s sermon, with the kids gathered around me in the front of the church I asked, “When you think of old, what do you think of?” Kyle Mitchell quickly responded, “You.”

 

From that point on I had everyone’s attention.

 

The indelicate can also save lives, as we see in 2 Kings 4:38 – 41. Elisha and his home boys were cooking a big pot of stew, with everyone contributing something to the pot. One of the men harvested some wild gourds that were poisonous and threw them into the pot.

 

As the men were eating the stew they started crying out to Elisha, “O man of God, there is death in the pot!”

 

While it is indelicate to draw attention to a meal that ought not to be eaten, it can save lives.

 

If I am fixing a stew or chili or soup, and I realize that it needs Vickie's touch with herbs and spices, I’ll say to her, “Please come and heal this, there is death in the pot.”

 

We also use the term when we are at restaurants or elsewhere, if the term is warranted. However, please be assured, we have never used it in your home, never, never, never.

 

Sometimes I hear a sermon or a teaching, or read an article or book, and I’ll say, “There is death in the pot.” There is a lot of that happening right now – folks seem to have lost their taste buds.

 

This brings me, mercifully for you, back to Lady Jane.

 

When we made the decision to bring her inside and make her an indoor cat, we knew we had to take her to a vet for shots and a general health check. Also, we needed to get her cuts looked at because she had been attacked, likely by Socks the tomcat.

 

I made an appointment with a new practice in the area, borrowed a carrier from a neighbor, and off we went. The carrier had two towels for padding, and we placed a beach towel over the outside to give Lady Jane a sense of security during the ride.

 

The veterinary clinic is about 15 minutes from home and we hoped the ride would be uneventful, alas, it was not. No, Lady Jane did not escape from the carrier, roll down the window, and jump out of the car. What she did do was to encourage us to roll down all the windows by engaging in an indelicacy. All of the air freshener in the world could not have masked this indelicacy. She must have been frightened.

 

We arrived about 15 minutes before our appointment, and as we waited to be called to an examining room, we wondered what we would find in the carrier with Lady Jane, that is, we knew the nature of what we would find, but we didn’t know the extent of what we would find.

 

Finally, a tech called us back, asked questions, and wrote down answers. From this point on, you really had to be there, but I will do my best to describe what happened.

 

A woman entered the room who we assumed to be a vet. She did not introduce herself. She did not say, “Good afternoon. Thank you for coming to our new practice.” She did not say, “This is a holdup, give me your wallet and purse.” She did not ask, “Have you ever seen an UFO?”

 

After looking at the carrier, which only had a front door, she did say, “If you bring her back to me I won’t see her if she is in this carrier. This is the second rescue cat today that has been in a carrier like this. You must bring her in a carrier that opens at the top.”

 

Well, good afternoon to you too! Thank you very much! Ain’t this grand?

 

If it had not been for the fact that we were there for Lady Jane, we would have left.

 

But it gets better.

 

Not once did she discuss Lady Jane’s health with us.

 

Not once did she discuss our options for heartworm and flea and tick treatment, she gave us a tube of XWY and said, “Use this, and when you come back you can buy more.”

 

Not once did she engage in conversation, or even speak distinctly, she seemed to be talking to herself more than to her tech, and certainly more than to us.

 

She and the tech removed the top half of the carrier (they are made so that while there is no door on the top, the top half can be removed). Then the tech lifted Lady Jane out of the carrier. At that point Lady Jane’s indelicacy distinctly manifested itself.

 

Now you really had to have been there for what comes next, because it really does get better.

 

The vet (that is, the woman who we assumed was the vet), reached into the carrier and lifted the towels out. Within the towels lay Lady Jane’s indelicacy. Rather than place the towels on the floor, rather than put them in a trash receptacle, the vet hands them across the examining table to Vickie and says, “Take these.”

 

Ha! Did I say you had to have been there?

 

As Vickie reached for the towels Lady Jane’s indelicacy, which was substantial for such a small animal, rolled out of the towels, down Vickie’s arm, onto her hand, and was deposited on her leg (she was wearing shorts).

 

Then this person, who we supposed was a vet, had the tech go get a trash bag and give it to Vickie so she could put the soiled towels in it.

 

But it gets better, don’t leave me yet.

 

Rather than say to Vickie, “Why don’t you come over here to the sink and get washed up. Here is soap and water, here is sanitizer,” this vet person hands her a roll of paper towels to simply wipe the indelicacy off her skin and clothes.

 

Now I ask you, gentle reader, would you really want the residue of cat poop on you, even if you dearly loved the cat? I don’t mean to be indelicate, goodness no, I don’t intend that at all, but I think it is a legitimate question. I think there are times we must confront the unpleasant, no matter how indelicate.

 

Lady Jane received a rabies vaccination, and also another vaccination for a number of problems cats can develop. We were given meds for her wounds. Another towel for her carrier was thankfully provided by the tech, she was placed back in the carrier, the top half was secured, and we left the examining room.

 

I went to the car with Lady Jane while Vickie paid the bill – one with exorbitant pricing.

 

As Vickie approached the car, I saw her carrying the trash bag. Not thinking that we wanted such indelicacy as company on the way home, I asked her to leave the bag outside. Then I got out of the car and deposited it in the clinic’s dumpster.

 

The only really funny thing about all of this is that the supposed vet made an appointment for us to bring Lady Jane back for a booster shot. Ha! We canceled that appointment and are taking Lady Jane to another vet, the drive is longer, but we’ve been to this clinic before and know what to expect.  

 

In case you’re wondering, Vickie got cleaned up when we reached home…and Lady Jane took a nap.