Eye Contact

 

I suppose I’m old school. I do not like ordering from a kiosk, I want to speak to someone, to look them in the eye, to ask them how they’re doing.

 

I don’t want to put my money in the cloud with something that’s supposed to be a bank, I want to have a place to go if I have a problem or a question, a place I can walk into, ask for the manager, look her in the eye and say, “I need help with this please.”

 

How old school am I?

 

A new gas station has opened where we live. I stopped there to get gas, got out of the car fully expecting to have three choices, high grade, mid-grade, and poor man’s grade. But oh no, there weren’t just three choices, there was another choice, I think it’s called E85. I stared at the pump like an opossum on an eight-lane highway looking at oncoming traffic with headlights on high-beam. Realizing I was in the wrong place I got in the car and left and I haven’t been back.

 

When I was younger we used to call places where you get gas “service stations.” You could actually get service at these places. Your oil could be checked, your tire pressure checked, your windows washed! (no kidding), and your gas pumped for you. Now you get to check your own tire pressure and if you need air they charge you for it and you get to put the air in the tires yourself – imagine that, paying for air. We’ve been conned for sure.

 

Being old school, a firm handshake and eye contact are vital statistics, they are components of first impressions. They are integral to communications, they can communicate trust, doubt, or warning and suspicion. I have a friend, Jim, who is a general contractor. I knew him as a contractor before I knew him as a friend; becoming friends was a natural process based on trust. When I first met him his eye contact and handshake communicated trust and truth and dependability. In all the years we worked together Jim never let me down. If he said he was going to do something, he did it. If there was a problem with work his team did, he took ownership and solved it. If Jim was on a job and called me and told me about an issue I needed to address, I didn’t need to go see it for myself, I could trust Jim. I could do business with Jim on his word and a handshake.

 

We used to live in an agricultural region that employed folks who were not born in this country. When I walked down the streets of our little town and saw one of these folks coming my way I especially wanted to make eye contact, smile, and say, “Good afternoon.” I wanted these men and women to know that they were welcome. However, many of them passed me with heads down and eyes on the sidewalk, as if they were trying to be invisible. I was ashamed that they would feel unwelcome.

 

If I was ashamed a few years ago, you can imagine the shame I have today.

 

Prior to retirement my office was in a building that housed several firms, and since my firm was located on the first floor there was foot traffic outside our doors as folks headed to and from the elevators. I always tried to speak and make eye contract with the women and men I passed in the hallway and lobby area. Since this was not Grand Central Station, I’m not speaking of crowds of people, a crowd might be two or three in our building, normally it was just me passing one other person.

 

It bothered me that so many folks were too busy for a civil return to my, “Good morning,” or “Good afternoon.” Forget about eye contact.

 

We have a fair number of walkers in our community. This is a great place to walk because there is no through traffic. It amuses me that some walkers are like the agricultural workers I mentioned. They seem to think that if they don’t make eye contact with me that I won’t see them. This is especially amusing when I’m walking toward them on the other side of the narrow street.

 

When Vickie and I are sitting outside and walkers pass our home we make it a point to wave, say “Hi,” and jump up and down to acknowledge folks. (Well, not really jump up and down, but it may come to that.) Most folks respond, but some do it reluctantly, giving something akin to a royal wave where the hand barely moves when the king acknowledges the unwashed masses.

 

A few mornings ago I approached the deli counter at our grocery store to purchase some lunch meat, it was early and there wasn’t much going on, I was the only customer at the counter.

 

There was a woman bent over a slicing machine beyond the counter. Without looking up and without making eye contact she said, “What can I do for you?”

 

“May I please have a half pound of low sodium turkey Ma’am?”

 

“Anything else?” (Still bent over and not looking up.)

 

“And a half pound of roast beef please Ma’am.”

 

I then stepped away from the deli counter to pick up some cheese and a baguette on nearby shelves while she retrieved the meats and sliced them.

 

As the corner of my eye caught her moving to the counter to give me my order, I saw that she remained bent over in her walk, head and eyes still downward. I then realized that she had a physical condition, and I was reminded of the woman in Luke Chapter 13 who had been bent over for 18 years. As I silently prayed for her and thanked her for helping me, two things came to me.

 

The first was how thankful I was that the grocery store employed her, many businesses would have passed her by.

 

The second was that there are people who would like to make eye contact with us but can’t. Some can’t because of physical conditions, some, like the agricultural workers mentioned above, won’t because of social conditions. I could give example after example of this, but if you think about it long enough, you’ll find your own examples. A question is, of course, “Am I contributing to the problem or the solution?”

 

Are we bridging the chasms or deepening them? Are we building walls or opening doors?

 

The Word was made flesh (John 1:14) so that God could make eye contact with us. The Incarnation is God’s great “look you in the eye” offer of a firm handshake with fallen humanity; His offer to return us to relationship with Himself and with one another. (We cannot have one without the other.)

 

If we claim to know Him, then our calling is to lift others up, to look them in the eye with the reconciling love of God in Jesus Christ, to identify with them, to embrace them, to love them, and to suffer with them.

 

If the eye is the window of the soul, then what do our eyes communicate to others?

 

Violence, hate, rejection, judgment, disdain?

 

Or compassion, love, care, understanding, and an offer of relationship?

 

Let there be no mistake, we must not walk through life with our eyes diverted from those around us, as if they did not exist. To do so is not only to reject our identity in God and in Jesus Christ, it is also to ignore the fact that the Eye of God is watching us.

 

If we live in eye contact with Jesus, we will learn to live in eye contact with others.