Enigmatic Faith

 

Good morning dear ones,

 

Below is a note I wrote to a friend recently, perhaps there is something here for you.

 

Much love,

 

Bob

 

Good morning Friend,

 

I am reminded of the father who cried to Jesus, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” I have cried this many times and imagine I will do so many more times. What else can we do?

 

Faith is enigmatic, at least to me. A labyrinth? If we see the labyrinth in Jesus this is not so bad, for even our apparent dead ends are designed to transform us into His image.

 

Is He not our Good Shepherd? Can we not trust Him? Is this life not a pilgrimage and prelude to our glorious destiny?

 

Is not He, our dear Lord Jesus who gave His all for us, what matters? Then others? Lastly ourselves?

 

Could it be that you are already where you desire to be?

 

I have no doubt that you are in our Father’s House, for only those in His House and Family have the desires, the doubts, the regrets, and despair that you have.

 

As I said, faith is enigmatic. What can we do but allow the very faith of Jesus Christ to live within us and through us? He is the Vine and we are the branches and as His life flows through us, so His very own faith flows through us. This is why when I read Galatians 2:20 I read it as the dear KJV translators have it, “by the faith of the Son of God.”

 

As Jesus lives by the Father, so we live by Jesus…yes?

 

O dear friend, I have many regrets in my life…so very many. Sometimes I look back and think, “How could this be? How could you have done this, thought this, said this?” Then I am consumed by guilt and shame and remorse. It seems the closer I get to eternity the more I see these things. What to do? What can I do but trust Jesus?

 

And isn’t that what this all comes down to, trusting Jesus? Trusting Jesus no matter how I feel, or how I perform, or how deeply (or not) I understand a matter?

 

When I draw my final breath in this life, what can I do other than trust Jesus?

 

As I have said before, on my best days my Father needs to change my nappy; may God never let me lose sight of this truth.

 

One of the reasons I so look forward to crossing that river between this life and the next, is that my memory will be purged of toxicity, of poison, of regret and remorse, of things which I can’t bear to think of. I don’t say that this ought to be anyone else’s journey, I simply say to you that this is my journey.

 

Is my faith so weak that I cannot embrace the totality of God’s forgiveness, that I cannot bask in the cleansing of the blood of the Lamb? Again, this is enigmatic to me. Yes, I do bask in the blood of the Lamb, claim it, proclaim it, rejoice in it. But this is, for me, a journey, a process, a climb up Zion’s mountain – perhaps I need to train myself not to look back, not to look down. Ha!

 

I climb with a limp. I say to Jesus, “Lord, where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life.”

 

What some may see as my faith, I see as my desperation – for indeed, where else can I go? Where can anyone go?

 

When Jesus says that we can’t change our hair or height by thinking, He means it. We are so foolish, are we not; to think we are in control…so foolish to think we are in the driver’s seat. So foolish to think we can add a day, an hour, a moment to our lives.

 

So realizing that I must trust Him is, for me, less a matter of faith than a matter of simple reality – if this is faith, well and good, all I know is that this is the essence of life.

 

Tom ____ once said to me, “You have a simple faith.” He meant it as a compliment, and I’ll receive that testimony.

 

O dear friend, what matters to me is less about how I feel than whether others are coming to know Jesus. I have eternity ahead of me in which I will no doubt feel pretty good, but between now and then I need to follow Jesus and share Him with others. We are on a battlefield fighting for the souls of mankind, I don’t want my feelings to be a distraction…and I know they can be…they have in the past, they may be again…but I must live in the Cross of Christ and allow the Cross to live in and through me.

 

As Bonhoeffer wrote, “When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.”

 

I have a friend in Amelia County who is a flight instructor. He teaches his students to fly by instrumentation, not to look outside the cockpit. He has a hood that he places on students so that they cannot see outside the plane, all they can see is the instrument panel. If they fly by sight in bad weather they may die, suffering from spatial disorientation.

 

The students may not “feel” great as they learn to fly by instrumentation, but they and their passengers will live. Neither you nor I really want to be passengers on a plane with a pilot flying by his feelings.

 

I can be a very emotional person. I have a tambourine which I’ve played in many a worship gathering. I can shout, I can run down a church aisle (which I have, even in our Congregational church!), I have danced in worship gatherings…but I know that I must fly by instrumentation…for the fair weather can quicky change…and for the glory of God and the salvation of others I must keep my eyes on Jesus, always on Jesus.

 

We can’t go back, at least I don’t think so. O I suppose we can go back in terms of obedience (but even there I’m not sure, hopefully we are wiser and more faithful), but in terms of feelings…well…we do change don’t we? We age, we mature, we bruise, we break bones, we have our hips knocked out of joint…we are no longer children, we are no longer young, we are no longer middle aged.

 

Yet, this can be the sweetest time of life in many ways, not the least of which is sharing the grace of our Lord Jesus with others…and living in anticipation of that great Day which is nearer to us today than it was yesterday…we are ever closer to that City whose Builder and Maker is God.

 

What shall we say to these things?

 

If God is for us, who can be against us?

 

Much love dear friend,

 

Bob